From the album Roots
Alex Silas (spoken word, piano)
Bryan Ruckstuhl (beats, piano)
Written by: Alex Silas
And when we were kids, we always used to go outside and play in the rain. And it never really seemed to bother us.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
My father used to sing me that
Back when we we're still somewhat close and I still called him dad
Now my phone rings and only half the time I call him back
But things happen, that's life, sometimes you just gotta live with that
Let's just say he did his best and so did I, and we'll leave it at that
Cuz I'm not trying to sit here thinking & reminiscing, digging into my past
I'm just looking at my life, thinking 'bout where I'm going and where I'm at
Cuz man I got goals... I got dreams, sometimes feels so close I can almost grab
Then they slip outta my grasp... but I'll get it back
Said it before, we came a long way from being on the corner slinging crack
And that's not a chapter of my life that I'm proud of but it is part of my past
So pardon my past, no regrets, no excuses though
I just felt like if we're getting to know each other then that's some shit that you should know
16 years old, moving dro', almost lost my future over some stupid coke
So 19, had to find a new approach, cuz this foolish road
Only led to incarceration or cremation, and I knew it yo
So after graduation, got a diploma, got a job, who'd of known
That this youth'd go from the backseat of a police cruiser to a security post
Changed my whole life up, even stopped smoking weed for like 2 years or so
But then I almost tripped up and stopped doing music, woah...
See priorities got mixed up and I was switched up over some stupid hoe
Who told me my dreams weren't shit and music was a joke
But next thing you know, I snapped out of it, was back up in the studio
Rappin' like I had fuel-boosters on my ass in the booth like I got something to prove but the proof is in the puddin' in work, so music I'm putting it first, till they put me in the dirt
My only move is: Go
And I guess I got a turtle-complex cuz I hate moving slow
Was depressed for a bit but fuck that shit, life is beautiful
And so's the future yo
Stand tall through it all, keep being a trooper though
I'm trying to keep it true, I'm really just a troubadour
A musical whore, that'll amuse you and more for a penny pence
In past, future, or present tense, and I'm not even make any cents
But ladies & gents, please allow me to present: Alex... Silas
This is me, no alias
Wait, that's pronounced "alias", but don't you know we aliens?
Rules of the game? Changin' em
Out of this world, we space-station' em, word
And I'm different, for what ever it's worth
I've always been a little fucked up and I feel like it's a gift and a curse
Never feel more at peace than when I'm scribbling a verse
So I'm sayin', this is me being Zen when I'm spitting these words
It's keeping me sane, together & intact
They can't decide if I'm an innovator or if I'm bringing it back
Or if my songs are dope, or if this shit is wack
And these haters can keep saying that I can't even rap
As a matter of fact, you can hate till you're blue in the face, truth is it won't do shit to change my listeners' musical tastes
So fuck you too I guess... but really thanks though
Cuz the adversity if fuel to the fire and thanks to you I got a tankfull
So I gotta be thankful...
Feeking fly in my plaid flannel and my flip flop sandals
Flippin' through "How To Be Hip Hop" manuals
Flippin' em the bird... like damn it dude, you think I give a damn what I am to you?
Beast-mode, my whole attitude is animal
In analogue, damn it dog, check the panoramic view, I pan-handle tunes with Panamanian pan-flutes and pianos too
And I'm just trying to make a fan or 2... but I don't even like the word fan, I think we're family too
See it means everything to me if this means anything to you
And that's the truth
This starving artist shit is not an image, it's me you're listening to and looking at
Chillin' like a drifter, tippin' my hat, like please if you're feeling it put some tips in my hat, and god bless,
I feel like a lot of things in life are a test, and I'm still learning my lessons, yes
But nevertheless, I'm never-the-less, I'll always give you my best
And I stay positive, like a slightly tilted X
No, I don't know about "no", I'm out here trying to be "yes"
And I'm grinding till I'm breaking my back, never knowing if I'll get it back, or if I'll ever make it past, to my future from my past, to where I want to be from where I'm at
But until then,
I'm chillin', hell, finally feel like I can really relax
Kicking back, but I'm kicking & screaming, my friend told me I was addicted to being, consistently constantly moving and I think I believe him
I'm only happy when I'm in movement and that's where I find balance and union with the universe and with these verses I'm just trying to say something and make something that's real
I can't sit or stand still, no, I can't chill
I'm standing at the edge of a ledge of a precipice where if I feel it'd be an endless descent and I'd be R.I.P. from RAP
And even though the precedents been set, and it's been said over and over again, and I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm not here for dead presidents, instead,
I'm here for living people, if that makes any sense
And what do I do with cents? Back to the wishing well
Well, I'm wishing, cuz dreams you forget 'em and you never get 'em back
The kid is whimsical with raps, in my wizard's hat, just chillin' on the track
Feelin' swell, still whistling well, and I hope you know I wish you well
Cuz through everything baby, you still felt like heaven, even when you gave me hell
And heartbreak eventually just becomes another story to tell
So fare thee well, but fuck storybook endings, this is not a fairy tale
This is not a novel, this is autobiographical, this is chronicles
These are the thoughts that you find at the bottom of the bottle
You can call me June Mañana, and heaven is just another word for tomorrow
Somebody told me I'd a good author, I probably just don't have the patience
Sit down with a pen & a paper but then I start to stray and...
(talk about the rain)
But anyway shit,
I usually feel like a stranger, out of place in most situations
But I'm a sucker for a friendly face and a good conversation
When I was a kid I remember really thinking I was an alien
Always alienated, but this alien kid, nobody knew he grew to be a Super Saiyan
I used to sit on the rocks by the beach and just listen to the waves hit
Now I sit in the studio listening to wavelengths
Nothing changes. But at the same time, everything changes and nothing stays the same, dig?
Cuz although I've grown, I'm really still the same kid
And I guess what I'm trying to say is
Now when I scribble on that piece of paper, put it to a beat, and a roomful of people want to listen to what I'm saying
Now I'm doing shows in other countries, and getting played across the nation
Now I'm sitting in studios getting interviewed by radio stations
And I got people I've never met telling me that they're relating
That they feel what I'm saying, that my music helped them get through what they were facing, in some way or another and in some way or another that makes us sisters & brothers and I think that's kind of amazing
It's a trip, I'm sayin'....
But these are just some thoughts that I had one day when it was raining...
Vibing out to the arrangement...
Writing out my angst and my frustration,
My joy & jubilation,
I endure through these trials & incarcerations until I escape
At the end of a graveshift, finally faced with, freedom, and I fly off in my spaceship...
The other day I was thinking about the kid Jaylen who thought he was a Super Saiyan...
As long as he believed...
As long as he really believed...
Here's what I believe:
You can anything you set your mind to
And I'm proof
Life is about growth, these are my Roots